Purple Team: The Perkins’
Our Story, as told by Kacy:
Timmy and I were married on May 5, 2012 in my parent’s front yard, underneath an arch built by my father. The moment he gave me away, the sky opened up and rain poured! Guests went running, but we stood our ground, said our vows, laughed at the weather and started our new life together. After all, they say rain on your wedding day is good luck.
We talked about having children so many times and both agreed that once we were married, we would start trying. Maybe we were naïve to have this plan to be pregnant by the end of 2012, but that’s what our hearts wanted and that’s what we were going to make happen. I remember us talking about the various ways we would announce it to our families, all of which still make me laugh, but now they also make me cry.
I’ve watched so many of my friends be blessed with children, I’ve also fought back tears when many have made this announcement. I’ve caught myself staring at pregnant women in the grocery store line, wondering how those kicks might feel on the inside, how that hiccup that keeps you awake at night might tickle, how it feels when you hear that first heartbeat or that first cry. I’ve prayed for the opportunity to experience these amazing things that only a mommy will ever know. Unfortunately the last two and a half years of doctor visits and testing have been emotionally, physically, and financially draining. We’ve come to realize that this is not something we will have without the help of others…without the help of you.
It was October 2012 when I sat down with Timmy and told him that something was wrong. My body wasn’t going through the normal cycles women experience. I made an appointment with my OB-GYN and talked to her about the situation. She referred me to a group of specialists in Charlottesville. Each month there were ultrasounds to check ovaries, measure follicles, measure lining, etc. An MRI was scheduled to check my pituitary and hypothalamus. I was told that they were hypo-hypo, but the good news was there were no notable lumps. They then scheduled an HSG to check my fallopian tubes. This test showed that my uterine cavity was normal and fallopian tubes were open, a much needed blessing, but still no explanation. The doctors realized quickly that my body wouldn’t ovulate on its own and I would need the HCG trigger shot each month, in addition to Clomid.
I continued on this schedule for all of 2013; day 3, go to doctor for ovary check ultrasound, fill Clomid and HCG prescriptions. Day 15, go to doctor for mid-cycle ultrasound, many times go back on day 17 or 18 because follicles weren’t matured enough. Administer the HCG shot to myself once the doctors said my follicles were the size they needed to be. Wait for day 28-30. Pray. Not only was this exhausting, but each month was like going through another heartbreak.
In January 2014, we were told that it would not be wise to continue with the treatment we’d been using. Our doctors left the choice up to us, but warned that some studies show that using Clomid for a year or more increases your chance of ovarian cancer. They also said that if it were going to happen using the method we’d been using, it would’ve happened by now. Their suggestion was to skip IUI and go straight to IVF. At this point, I had been on Clomid for over 12 months and we decided it would be best to stop taking the drug and try to save money for another method. As hard as this decision was, we knew that if we continued on this path (the only path we could afford) there was a great chance I could wind up hurting my own body, the body I was supposed to use as a safe vessel for the baby we dreamed of.
In February 2014, the doctors scheduled a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. Nobody hopes for something like this, but at that point we were just looking for an answer, a reason, any explanation, anything we could work to make better. There were no signs of endometriosis, or anything out of the ordinary. This was a welcomed discovery that at the same time left us back at square one with no answer as to why things weren’t working.
The end of 2012, all of 2013 and the first half of 2014 have all been full of disappointments, tears, and more trials than many face, especially in their first years of marriage. I don’t know how I would’ve managed any of this without my amazing husband. To have a child, that’s always been our greatest wish, hope and dream. We’ve made it through the diagnostic tests, the tests of faith, the tears of disappointment and would love nothing more than one great fighting chance to achieve what we desire so much.
We’ve dreamed of our future children, thought of names, imagined their hair color and personalities, had “what if” conversations about them…even so we still can’t guarantee that we’ll ever have the means to conceive and fulfill our deepest desires. Sharing our story and so many personal details is not something we’re used to doing, but maybe it’s time for us to let the walls down. So here we are, completely vulnerable and asking for help. It’s very personal, it’s very emotional, but it’s also a very real struggle that couples face every day and more awareness needs to be brought to this condition.
Thank you so much to all of our family, friends, co-workers and those we don’t yet know for your support. Words can never express how much your love and help means to us.